We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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