Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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