Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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