I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
