I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
now i know why i became what i already was.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
