he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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