his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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