overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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