Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
