somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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