my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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