My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
