god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
