end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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