you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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