You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
