you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
