I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's on the porch naked. Help.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
