A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
