I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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