Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to sanitize my soul.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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