I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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