Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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