Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
