I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
