phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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