Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
