So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
