why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
