I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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