there's paper in my vomit.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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