He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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