I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dicks are not precious.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
