fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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