how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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