If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just invented taco cereal.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
