eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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