chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
