can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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