Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
