At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got chris browned last night
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
