I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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