; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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