put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
