I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
