No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
