there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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