I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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