I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
