and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
