DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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