The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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