You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
