Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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