I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
