i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
