She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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