u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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