is your mom at the bar?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
