Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
