I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
