these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
