your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
