I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
