we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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