woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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