I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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