Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
