he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
